Divorce can be an arduous experience. It is something so difficult to do that you would think it over and over again for yourself and for your children.
On the other hand, it can be a step that will set you off on a new journey to self-discovery and growth.
Trying to figure out what happened and what went wrong is not as important as learning how to start your new life after divorce.
After going through a divorce you may find yourself in a completely new and strange atmosphere. Your normal daily routines will be completely gone.
Even your home may be different. How can you get back on your feet then?
1. Let Yourself Grieve
Don’t expect for things to be normal again immediately. While it’s true that it is normal to feel down and moody, but don’t give in to those negative feelings either. There will be dark days, but there will also be better days.
Concentrate on moving forward step by step. Get up and get by day by day and continue to be productive. This is for your own good and that of your family’s or children.
Every time you recall memories of the past, allow yourself to feel the emotions, acknowledge those feelings and then let go.
Bottling things up can eventually drive you to a corner and you will fall into depression. Seek help if you must, especially when you stop being productive and neglect basic hygiene or routines.
2. Forgive Yourself
What ever has happened, has happened. Pointing fingers will not change anything. For the sake of your own mental health, forgive your ex-spouse too.
Studies have shown that forgiving someone will make you feel better of yourself and this will make you emotionally stronger. It will not make you feel smaller.
You may go through a period of depression, but you can and need to bring yourself up. Don’t fall into despair. Talk to a counsellor. Trusted friends are known to help us to process our thoughts and feelings.
3. Let Go Of The Negativity
You will be tempted to make things as they were before, even though you know that they weren’t good for you. You will think that your future is bleak, unhappy, lonely and that your life is over.
It is also normal that you may dwell on the things you’ve lost. It could be companionship, emotional stability, social standing or financial security that was shared with your ex-spouse.
Learn to let go of these negative thoughts. Don’t listen to these thoughts and replace them with positive affirmations.
This is important as you’re starting your new life. This is also a way to reinvent a new you.
4. Let Yourself Grow
Going through something major in your life as painful as divorce, can be an enormous learning experience. Learn well from it so you know not to commit the same mistake again in future relationships and in your life.
There are other ways you can grow as well. You can continue your education. Learn new skills or hobby. New skills include digital marketing, a new language or even a new recipe. You can even go places and explore. Expand your horizons.
Always be open to new possibilities and welcome change. You must overcome your circumstances. Nobody can help you better than yourself.
Envision yourself living the life you want for yourself and have a clear plan ahead. Work towards that goal every single day.
Without a clear vision, you won’t really know the starting point right up to “what’s my goal”?
5. It’s Not The End Of The World
Life after divorce is not the end of the world. You now have a second chance to start a whole new life. Embrace the journey.
Many have gone through divorce and have emerged as a happier, better and more fulfilled person. Your response to your unique situation will determine your destiny.
The outcome lies in your hands and yours alone. Don’t you agree? Your immediate priority is to rebuild your life. Not to what it was before, but something else or even better if you may.
Remember that it is important to learn to plan ahead for yourself. That is what will guide you towards building a new life.
Engaging a lawyer is not compulsory but it is definitely helpful especially when there is a lot at stake.
As lawyers, our professional duty is to represent our clients through their divorce proceedings. We will not advise you on whether or not is it better for you to divorce. That is a decision that you will have to make on your own accord.
If you have not made up your mind or wish to save your marriage, please proceed to a counsellor or Ustaz who will be able to advise you better.
We are here to assist those whom wish to divorce or are in the midst of divorce or PPO proceedings.
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